Dear Ostriches, I regret to inform you that I am unable to visit all of you out-of-towners. You see….excuses are made such as “It’s such a long trip, it’s so busy with 3 kids, we don’t have time off work, and we are going on vacation…” Newsflash if you didn’t already know: I would LOVE to be connected to many of you, others not so … Continue reading An open letter to silence
This amateur nature shot was taken in my backyard as I saw the fluff blowing away in the wind. I took it to keep as a reminder of simple beauty. Sometimes in the mix of trauma therapy the feelings and work takes over your mind and you stop noticing what is around you. I have for many years been stuck in the mindset of “what’s … Continue reading I Feel Glorious
The Gatehouse phase 2 program started three weeks ago. If I thought phase 1 was difficult…it was the warm up. Today I have a pretty huge emotional hangover from my group last night. The truth is that the magnitude of the effects of trauma on my health and life have me feeling extremely lugubrious. lugubrious Funerals are lugubrious. So are rainy days and Mondays. … Continue reading Why so glum, chum?
This morning I had one of ‘those’ starts…. I slept through my alarm at 5:13am due to a restless night and bad dreams, no fun. This always feels like an earthquake drill. I hate being late and it’s just not my M.O. Sorry Sandi. I arrived late to pick up a friend for a run out of town….I left the house half dressed and forgot … Continue reading Have you ever had a shame attack?
OK, I’ll admit it….I did most but not ALL of the 30 Days challenge. I was slightly distracted by this crazy relay from Coburg to Niagara Falls this month and all the planning. Ragnar is pretty awesome. The most awesome part of it was amazing teammates and also putting myself out there. I was out of my comfort zone but really showed me I can … Continue reading The end of my #30DaysofBrave
Day 9- I am vulnerable. “To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.” – CRISS JAMI Brene Brown has this amazing Ted talk on Vulnerability and some amazing reading material as well. https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability This is an area that I am working on. I suck at vulnerability and I find it much easier to throw up the wall … Continue reading #30DaysofBrave- continued
Day 6, 7, and 8 of my 30 day challenge. Day 6 focused on developing a metric to reach my goal of using my healing and running journey to help others. Day 7 was to focus on being the hero of my own story. This basically pointed out that the beliefs we have of ourselves will either limit or expand our potential. I have made … Continue reading #30DaysofBrave
I have been hiding these past few weeks. The darkness was trying to swallow me. Sometimes I find myself retreating and just keeping my thoughts to myself and avoiding conversations. At some level that’s necessary with processing trauma. There’s only so many times you can repeat yourself before exhaustion sets in. This is especially true of trauma counselling because of the emotional and sensory experiences … Continue reading Into the Light
Just show up. This is our JP’s Team theme of 2017. I use this motto/goal/mantra daily. I don’t feel like leaving the house some days, but if I just show up at a friend’s house, we can go for a walk or talk and I will feel better. I didn’t want to go to my 8km race last weekend but I volunteered to drive. I … Continue reading Just Show Up
The past few days I have had horrible insomnia as a result of the mega doses of steroids I have been taking to counteract my overzealous histamine response. Everything still feels so difficult, laundry presents itself as a monumental task and as a result there is a heap of clean unfolded laundry occupying the couch in my living room. It tries to guilt me … Continue reading Hippy Dippy Baloney
The prompt for this project was to create some sort of map. I created a map of human touch on another humans body a… twitter.com/i/web/status/8…— ur mcm (@cheezitfan1) January 23, 2017 I saw this today. A road map of unwanted touch/assault and it depicts so much more than colours and lines. When you look at it what do you see? I don’t just see it, … Continue reading Somatic Memory and Trauma
Last night I watched a documentary that has changed my heart. I recently saw an ad for this movie, called “Embrace” by Taryn Brumfitt. I watched her TedX Talk on youTube and it stuck in my head. There is a part where she says: “Your body is not an ornament, it is the vehicle to your dreams.” It literally blew my mind. I have also … Continue reading Exercising Self-Compassion…in a Swimsuit
I’m reaching for fearlessness, but my fingers can’t quite grasp it. They are brushing it though, closer than ever before. Rather than being a beautifully choreographed climber, I am a sure-footed mountain goat and am stuck in my ways. (Never tell my husband that I agreed to that statement!) “Keep it secret, don’t tell anyone, be quiet, you deserve it, you’re fat, you’re ugly, you’re … Continue reading Fearlessness
Well….it’s been a few weeks since I’ve even thought about having “free time” to update here. It feels like the rest of the summer zipped by. Since then, I have been to Costco sans freakout. I had a good September running month in order to prep for a 25km trail race October 1st. I ended up needing surgery the week before so I knew I … Continue reading Runners Not Running
It has taken me a few days of ruminating over this concept. Last Friday, I attended a wonderful conference hosted by the Gatehouse and held at Humber College. Transforming Trauma into Triumph 7th Annual Conference. It felt a little odd to be “training”, however there were all different groups represented. There was a strong survivor section, those who work with or are volunteers, or speakers … Continue reading Forgiveness?